Just verbin away

I've found a new hobby that has been very good at keeping my creativity flowing, I find that isn't always the case at work so I have to do it some where. I think I'll start posting my new hobby of recycling wool here, with the other tid bits of life and lessons learned.

how awesome are you?

I have been extremely not interested in updating this blog. busy with work and worrying about my parents pretty much sums it up. also, I've been following a slew of other people's blogs and could be considered as a facebook addict but I have come to realize something. somethings.

1. myspace, facebook, twitter, bloggings etc is usually an outlet for people to boast themselves and brad about their worlds. this is fine. but I now understand that if I don't know you...I really don't care.

2. facebook has been a great outlet for me and many others to reconnect to long losts. but I only know about a quarter of the people that I am friends with on fbook. and out of that I probably really only care about a quarter of them.

3. I don't believe half of the stories that people write on their blogs. I decided to follow quite a few when I first started this stuff. but now, I just don't believe them. period.

4. or the stories just gross me out. I read yesterday that someone would burn the American flag for a million dollars. who says that?

either way. I think I'll retire the blog until I have something important I need to remember in the future, like getting married, buying a new car or having a baby. because other than that, it just doesn't matter. to me, what matters is just being happy and enjoying my laughs and hardships for what they are. even if they are boring to you.

bitter is not a good look

sorry about yesterday's post. I was feeling pretty bitter at the entire world and that truly isn't who I am. but I needed to vent and where else then the bloggity blog.

I am worried about my family but that shouldn't be excuse enough to forget about all the good stuff and how grateful I am for what we have.

my family will get through this, just as we have before and just as many families are doing right now.

my apologies. I'll try not to use fuck in my blog anymore either.

my dad just got laid off of work. typical for these times I know and I understand that this is happening to so many people right now. but I'm tired of my family getting the shit end of the stick. the accident, all of the storms and I'm tired of it.

my dad didn't make much money to begin with, and my poor mother works, is finishing a certificate and takes care of everything in the house. I don't know what they are going to do. my dad isn't even automotive related its just this bloody economy. there are plenty of factors of why my family's situation may get worse in the next months and I'm embarassed to go into it but my heart hurts for my mom. she takes the brunt of the shit that happens and deserves so much more. and i'm sick to death about what is going to happen to them. and I live so far away I can't even be there for support.

and I'm so sick of hearing people complain about planning vacations and weather and what car or business they want to buy or how many graduate degrees they have and how much money they have and want to spend on their weddings and how much they can't wait for blah blah blah. shut the fuck up. seriously shut up. appreciate things that aren't material and do some good for something other then yourself. shut the fuck up. maybe for once, mention how much you appreciate your parents, spouse, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend and anyone else who helped you get to this point and then just shut up.

I've only recently met people who are humble with money and I appreciate them beyond anyone I've ever met. they don't take life for granted and they appreciate their families. and it's refreshing.

this is it. i'm done listening and talking to you about your shit. if it doesn't have to do with improving your health, relationships, I don't want to hear it.

f%@k me.

seriously. that's all. for now.

o.m.g. I'm 25.

I turned 25 in November...

and it's just now hitting me.

believe me, I don't feel like 25 is old and can only imagine if my friends over 25 read this, "you're only 25, shut up, wait until you're 34..etc", but I can't help it.

I dated a guy when I was 18 and at the time he was 24 (he was a complete db) and I was totally head over heels for him. of course it's not until now, sooo many years later I know what true and real head over heels feels like...

the ONLY thing he said that I respect in anyway now is that I should appreciate things at that time in my life because it won't always be that way and he was right. At 18, I never thought I'd not be a workout queen and a slave to the gym, I never thought my roots would grow out and I'd not have the funds to get them fixed professionally, I never thought my stomach would not be flat and my ass would not be huge, I never thought that I couldn't trust things like boys, the government, infomercials and the general population. I look back now and really appreciate my size 4's, being naive and not having a rent or car payment.

Although I would never trade my life for what it is now, believe me I have it pretty good and overall am very happy. Reflection is a great form of appreciation and makes me thankful for what I had then, and what I have now - even if it's a size 8.

my life inc.

the corporate world I'm currently in, is unlike any other I've ever experienced. I'll have to remember this topic and go into more detail in the future but I just thought I'd let you know this.

we've had a candidate waiting to interview for AN HOUR because the interview-er is busy. granted, this interview-er is the reason I have a job and get paid but man oh man, can you imagine how nervous this guy is? I'm not discrediting the work he is doing other then interviewing, it's 100% necessary and important (no really, it is) but still, phew.. just happy I'm not this kid.

on track.

I swear I'm going to get back on the healthy wagon. last year I had a goal, Vegas with holly. this year.. no such goal except looking better in a bathingsuit and getting healthy. I'm so tired of not fitting into ANYTHING I own and looking at my fat tuckas in the mirror and wishing there was a way to chop off anything that dimples.

alas.. there is not.

the worst part: I don't feel fat, I feel bigger. like there is extra skin that shouldn't be there. I can still see muscles, etc. so I'm hoping this will help.

the worstest part: I don't eat THAT bad. I mean I'll have a half a twix bar and some wine but really the stuff that goes into my body isn't too bad. except for the mac&cheese and guaco. no fast food, no real pop, I just don't understand.

it's most likely the working out. after the vegas trip I walked into the gym and the guy behind the counter was like, wow! haven't seen you in a while. and I was like, oh whatever.. I was here last week. and he was like, umm.. try two months.

OMG! this means I hadn't done any real exercise (and by real.. I mean no actual gain of strength exercise) in at least two if not three months.

anyway - if you're having trouble too.. check out sparkpeople.com it's pretty interesting.. anything to keep me away from the snacks.

I'm at 148 right now (gross). I want to be 130 soon, and eventually 125.

I can do this.

six weeks in advance

I swear to God. the only person I know who I don't have to plan 6 weeks ahead with is tcakes. maybe because we're dating and well that's what you do but seriously I don't know one female in my entire (and very small) circle who can pick up and go see a movie, get lunch, or take me up on a free makeover on Saturday.

granted, some of my small circle are married or married with babies or just babies and that's all understandable but what is going on with the rest of you? for real. we can hang out with your boyfriend or my boyfriend as long as I get to see you. I doesn't matter!!

here is my plan. I'm going to start calling you all more. and by more I mean actually call like I should have been doing for the past 5 years. and we'll have lunches on weekends and a cocktail in the evening. even if it's only for a half hour I need to see you gals.

beware.. I miss you. :)

I second that emotion..

one of the girls at work and I are on the same menstrual cycle. I kinda think one of the others is too. this makes for interesting times in the office. not only is it just the four of us during the week (usually) but being overly stressed due to perosnal crap or period crap makes it INSANE here. I have a very stubborn streak in me that I'm still working with. learning that it's best to walk away, give it 24 hours and then say what you want was a process to say the least. I feel like I'm better at it then I was 5 years ago.

you can only keep your mouth shut for so long, sometimes.

I got into it today with our boss's admin. I feel terrible too but she just really frustrates me beyond anyone I've met.

NOTE: I tend to get frustrated by people who are a lot like me or people I feel complain a lot or don't work hard enough. (I have high expectations for everyone and should just keep it to myself.) it could be that we're competitive or just too simillar but it happens the most when I can really relate to someone. and usually girls, I've always been friends with more boys than girls. I'm learning that women need girlfriends in their lives - but that's a whole different post.

anyway, so I won't get into everything that happened because it's so stupid and we BOTH over reacted but I yelled at her for not doing something she should have and made a shitty assumption about how she'd react and I said it out loud to her face in the office. she then came to me and said how wrong I was and accused me of doing something that I didn't agree with and it was ridicoulous.

worst part-this poor girl has been asked to leave the company during the worst economic times in FOREVER. although I don't know all the circumstances on the reasons for the let go, it still sucks and she's stressed and I feel terrible and even more so because I could have just shut my fat mouth and let it go.

in my defense. I've butted heads with her for a long time. it has been this way since I started and I'm not sure why. we won't go into why either because I'm sure the conclusion would be that I'm insecure and just want to be accepted by this girl and haven't been because I'm too stubborn to let people in and give them trust, etc.

anyway, I don't feel like this entire thing was my fault and I didn't want it to be a big deal but it was. I'm not sure what to do about it either so I'm following what I should have earlier and taking 24 hours to relax and will ask her to talk tomorrow. because I don't want to leave this, or have her leave on such a sour note.

aagh. girls.

new apartment. new apartment. new apartment.

I love it. my new apartment is the greatest place for me right now. I'm extremely close to work, getting good rest at night, it's warm and safe and totally cute. pictures will be posted soon and a special thanks to mom and tcakes for whom I owe it all. so proud of us.

I'll have to die in the new apartment because moving was a real b-word. it was just two of us, 24 degrees freezing. by 2pm my arms literally stopped working. tcakes back was about to give out. next time I'm not putting all of my eggs in one basket and will ask plenty of people so I don't get let down again AND I will never move in the winter again, what a stupid thing to do. live and learn I guess.

t and I have some great events to look forward to though. we're going to meet his dad in Toledo tonight to see bye bye birdie, which I've never seen before. t was less than excited because it's a musical but I'm totally game. Mr. W is quite a dad and such a good man. mom always says to make sure you like their father - that's who they'll grow up to be. probably same for daughters and moms. :)

next Wednesday we're going to another Pistons game compliments of my friend Brian who now ski's on Wednesday nights and can't use those season tickets. I owe him a beer for sure.

February 27 is tcakes birthday celebration. his birthday is the first week of March so we'll celebrate a little early. even though I'm on a spending money lock down, I've come up with a couple of great things to do for him and luckily he's into a lot of things so it makes it easier for me.

then in March, back to the big apple with the W's. what a great family, I feel so grateful that I was asked again. that will have to be a post in itself.

then after that housewarming parties. it's a small place so I'll have to do a couple of people at a time. can't wait!

$3.00 is a latte, a few cans of cat food or a beer on Tuesday nights at the hills

Bath & Body Works is selling product in old packaging for $3 a bottle.

awesome.

if this were the old me, I'd stock up on at least one shower gel and one lotion. but alas, I am on a budget like woah. no smell good for ptoe.

just thought you should know ;)

car trouble...to say the least

I started this blog to keep up with the happenings but i've been busy.. letmetellyouwhat.

seriously, I'm not sure how many more bumps I can take this week. this move is going to be expensive, I know this. I planned for this. but not like this.

thank goodness I have people who will listen and support me. I'm not sure where I'd be this week without tcakes, a couple of the girls at work, my mother and of course holla. thanks for being there for me. you have no idea!

so 2006, I own an old Ford taurus (deloris) that was given to me by my uncle when I was rear ended by a drunk driver in 2004. the car wasn't bad, very low miles, pretty good upkeep and best of all NO PAYMENT but still needed a lot of work, all the time. so when I started at Bentley I figured it was time that I got a better car, it was my first real full time job and I kept putting money into deloris so why not put that money towards a more dependable, safer vehicle. working for VWoA made me decide on the Audi.

don't get me wrong, I love my little car. it's not too slow, not too fast, I like the way it looks, I like the inside, I feel safe in it with the 4-wheel drive, but I'm done. It was CPO'ed in 2003 which means the dealer checked it out and everything was up to Audi standards.

I guess it's just my bad luck, that car is always up to something. yesterday (of all weeks) I see a little smoke come out of the hood and figure no big deal it's probably some oil burning off. get in my car to go home last night and the coolant light came on. I always worry about my car. I'm an unmarried female living alone in the greater Detroit metro area and have been stranded a few times with friends or alone on highways or freeways and it isn't safe and it's freaking scary. so I'm a little anal about the condition of my car. I called the dealer last night (they know me now by caller id I think) and they said it's probably a good idea to bring it in just in case there is a coolant leak.

lovely.

to avoid being late to work for car problems, I got up really early and went straight to the dealer. sit there for 20 minutes and BAM! $400 to fix the coolant leak, the water pump and an oil leak.

this wouldn't be a big deal except for the fact that I've been in service department way too many times. mainly cosmetic fixes and speakers which in the long run will help me sell the beast and some of my neurotic idea that if I don't take it in I'm going to get stranded. but I was just there, I just paid for a loaner car's spare tire that blew on Southfield freeway when I went to see tcakes, and I was just there paying for little knobs and switches that needed to be replaced before my CPO is up in February. now this.

love.it.bleh.

and the move this weekend, which isn't cheap either. I just wish these things could space themselves out a bit. but alas, it happens and you deal. no new rugs or furniture for my fun new place yet. it will have to wait.

louisville is under a sheet of ice. I feel so bad for my parents. they don't have heat or electricity. my mom has been trying to keep the fireplace going to keep one of the rooms warmer. they slept with two down comforters and one wool Army blanket that my Grandma ganked in the 1950's (they don't make blankets like that anymore), and three cats. so they're warm, I just feel bad. it snowed here again. I love the snow. I just wish winter would lock it up about mid-january. that would be nice. it's just very calming if you're outside at night and it's cold. so cold that sounds seem to freeze. I really love walking through the woods after a good snow. there aren't many wooded areas in metro motor city, that's for sure.

work has been really busy too which is good but I have a lot of 9:00pm calls during the recruiting seasons and that's getting tough to live life around. summer recruiting is finished in mid-february and full time won't start until august so it's almost over. then being at work an hour early to greet interviewees just makes for a tired ptoe. you know.

as much as I may complain about work or people I work with. the girls/admin are starting to grow closer together. I'm not sure if it's because coco (I feel really bad for her, and feel even worse because at first I didn't feel as bad. shame on me. it's a tough economy and no one deserves what she got no matter how many times we bumped heads) is leaving but we've started to stick up for each other and I think as long as we just talk things out between us that life here won't be so dramatic. little offices/departments tend to get a little catty. but I am going to try to be better about it. that's all I can do. head down and focus.

tcakes and I went to see some friends this weekend in DuckLakeMI, which is a beautiful place if you like water and gravel roads. I happen to love the water and only wish I could buy their on the lake property. I promise if I could afford to drive to and from work, I would have bought your home!! we went to the union and drank wine and martinis and ate delicious food, played wii and played with little p. I adore little p. he is the baby that made me fall in love with the idea of having babies. for a while there, I wasn't sure if I'd ever have the opportunity to have babies. after meeting little p, I know that I want to and know that I'm meant to be a mommy. of course, I adore his parents too and that makes me adore little p even more, knowing what a good person he will be b/c of who is raising him. so cute :)

well I feel better about the car, this is life right now and as tcakes told me in between sobs this morning...it will be better next week. plus I can't wait for the new apartment!!

threeve day weekends never hurt anybody..

threeve days off. hooray. thanks MLKJR. mucho appreciated.

I'm pretty excited about the weekend + monday timeline here. tonight I'll go to tcakes house with cat in hand (kc loves him, a lot, sometimes more than me...). the schedule includes some wine and romantic stuff and I've been looking forward to it for days now. :)

then tomorrow morning we're heading down to cleveland, oh - for a chrissy's birthday. then sunday is my niece's 5th birthday party at my sisters house! usually these family events are fun and it's nice to catch up.

and finally, MLKJR's day. in honor of MLKJR, I think I'll do some packing, maybe take some pictures of stuff I need to get rid of before I move. I'm moving from a 2bed2bath 1000sqft apartment to a 469sqft studio apartment. my 50 pairs of shoes are not going to fit in my little closet. if you're interested in my good but can't fit them in my place stuff, let me know. Normally I would just give it away but in my time of need I'm going to do my best to sell it. I'll post the pics here too. please consider my need for wine and cat food. :)

I do have a question for any of you out there who have used vinyl wall decorations - have you used them? are they complicated? is it hard to take them off? any advice you have - I'll take. seriously.

and that's the best part...

the days that I know I have something fun to do in the evening go by way too slow. and then the fun part always goes by way too fast. I'm working on a way to change this and hopefully one day will be able to help everyone enjoy the fun time more and the slow time will go by faster.

this is certainly true today. no big plans, but I'm meeting tcakes for dinner after my doctors appointment. I adore my friends and get the same excited feeling when there is a girls night or meeting one of you out for a drinkie, but it's just a different feeling when it comes to him.

ya'll know what I'm talking about.

tcakes is the best guy I've ever dated. I trust him and feel 100% myself with him and know that he cares about me too. gushing stops, you can stop throwing up now.

anyway, I think it just took me a while to really know what I'm worth, too. which comes with age (blah) and experience. girls, gals and women can be just as ridiculous as boys, guys and men when it comes to dating. we all make mistakes, maybe more than once, and have to learn from it.

tcakes has given me a new attitude to dating and not being scared to give it your all, just knowing that the other person is doing the same makes everything, well.. right.

all I know now is that I'm really happy, and that's the best part.

february brings change

In February 2009, we will have a new President. Although, I'm unhappy with the choice many Americans made. I hope that this new change in the white house will bring change to the way the United States in a whole, lives and thinks. It may take 4 years to realize a mistake or possibly it may take 4 years to realize our potential. Who knows.

I will be living in a new apartment. I couldn't be more excited to move out of the current complex. It's drafty and dingy plus I have terrible neighbors right now. This change will be a very positive one for me. I'll be closer to work and to the boyfriend and much happier I am sure.

I feel changes happening at work as well. I'm unaware of these changes in detail but I feel something is going on and I hope that whatever this change may be that it is something to help the environment and business.

Along with these changes, I hope to begin a workout schedule as well. Once tcakes, the boyfriend, moves from his apartment we've agreed that we'll workout together more, cook at home more and I really think this will bring us closer together as well as get me healthy again.

February will also be closer to the end of this current winter semester in school. My current class, Career Development, is good so far. It will be some writing and self discovery which will help me articulate my career path as well as help me understand the career paths of others. One class a semester doesn't seem like much to many. Working and school and relationships and sleep can be difficult to juggle so what may seem like a small accomplishment to you, is a huge accomplishment for me.

Although it's cold, February also brings a bit of change to the Michigan weather. January is so dreary and gray. It won't change much but again it's closer to March and April which will begin the slow and steady thaw.

you're my best friend

To start this bloggyblog I figure I should give a shizzle to those I consider to be my bffff's. No need to name names but you know who you are.

I don't use the terms best friend often because it takes a special person.

In case you need clarification my definition of a best friend is someone who would do the following: pick up the phone or call back even if we haven't talked in years, let me invite myself over for dinner or in desperate measures -the weekend, listen to me cry, listen to me vent, give me honest advice when I ask for it and know when to give it when I don't, listen to me talk about pee and poop, tell me stories about pee and poop, meet me at the bar and not leave until it closes, makes me feel comfortable to talk about anything, call me 25 times after I claim an emergency, sit on the couch all day Saturday and truly enjoy it, get drunk with me on Christmas, understand that I have duggie touretts, respect the fact that I love doggies and point them out on the street for me to see, take care of me when I drink too much, help me move to a new apartment, forgives me when I make the same mistake twice, sets me up with an amazing boyfriend, remembers my birthday, sends me texts to say hello and make sure I'm okay, lets me visit just to play with the baby, gives me a cat, lets me bring my cat to their house, plays chubby bunny in the car in a parking lot, puts up with me when I take a while to call back, lets me hang up when I'm grouchy and call right back to apologize and someone who knows that I would do any of these things and more for them.

To those of you who know what I'm talking about, I heart you a lot. Just thought you should know.

And the blogging begins.