February 27, 2009

f%@k me.

seriously. that's all. for now.

February 26, 2009

o.m.g. I'm 25.

I turned 25 in November...

and it's just now hitting me.

believe me, I don't feel like 25 is old and can only imagine if my friends over 25 read this, "you're only 25, shut up, wait until you're 34..etc", but I can't help it.

I dated a guy when I was 18 and at the time he was 24 (he was a complete db) and I was totally head over heels for him. of course it's not until now, sooo many years later I know what true and real head over heels feels like...

the ONLY thing he said that I respect in anyway now is that I should appreciate things at that time in my life because it won't always be that way and he was right. At 18, I never thought I'd not be a workout queen and a slave to the gym, I never thought my roots would grow out and I'd not have the funds to get them fixed professionally, I never thought my stomach would not be flat and my ass would not be huge, I never thought that I couldn't trust things like boys, the government, infomercials and the general population. I look back now and really appreciate my size 4's, being naive and not having a rent or car payment.

Although I would never trade my life for what it is now, believe me I have it pretty good and overall am very happy. Reflection is a great form of appreciation and makes me thankful for what I had then, and what I have now - even if it's a size 8.

February 25, 2009

my life inc.

the corporate world I'm currently in, is unlike any other I've ever experienced. I'll have to remember this topic and go into more detail in the future but I just thought I'd let you know this.

we've had a candidate waiting to interview for AN HOUR because the interview-er is busy. granted, this interview-er is the reason I have a job and get paid but man oh man, can you imagine how nervous this guy is? I'm not discrediting the work he is doing other then interviewing, it's 100% necessary and important (no really, it is) but still, phew.. just happy I'm not this kid.

February 18, 2009

on track.

I swear I'm going to get back on the healthy wagon. last year I had a goal, Vegas with holly. this year.. no such goal except looking better in a bathingsuit and getting healthy. I'm so tired of not fitting into ANYTHING I own and looking at my fat tuckas in the mirror and wishing there was a way to chop off anything that dimples.

alas.. there is not.

the worst part: I don't feel fat, I feel bigger. like there is extra skin that shouldn't be there. I can still see muscles, etc. so I'm hoping this will help.

the worstest part: I don't eat THAT bad. I mean I'll have a half a twix bar and some wine but really the stuff that goes into my body isn't too bad. except for the mac&cheese and guaco. no fast food, no real pop, I just don't understand.

it's most likely the working out. after the vegas trip I walked into the gym and the guy behind the counter was like, wow! haven't seen you in a while. and I was like, oh whatever.. I was here last week. and he was like, umm.. try two months.

OMG! this means I hadn't done any real exercise (and by real.. I mean no actual gain of strength exercise) in at least two if not three months.

anyway - if you're having trouble too.. check out sparkpeople.com it's pretty interesting.. anything to keep me away from the snacks.

I'm at 148 right now (gross). I want to be 130 soon, and eventually 125.

I can do this.

six weeks in advance

I swear to God. the only person I know who I don't have to plan 6 weeks ahead with is tcakes. maybe because we're dating and well that's what you do but seriously I don't know one female in my entire (and very small) circle who can pick up and go see a movie, get lunch, or take me up on a free makeover on Saturday.

granted, some of my small circle are married or married with babies or just babies and that's all understandable but what is going on with the rest of you? for real. we can hang out with your boyfriend or my boyfriend as long as I get to see you. I doesn't matter!!

here is my plan. I'm going to start calling you all more. and by more I mean actually call like I should have been doing for the past 5 years. and we'll have lunches on weekends and a cocktail in the evening. even if it's only for a half hour I need to see you gals.

beware.. I miss you. :)

February 12, 2009

I second that emotion..

one of the girls at work and I are on the same menstrual cycle. I kinda think one of the others is too. this makes for interesting times in the office. not only is it just the four of us during the week (usually) but being overly stressed due to perosnal crap or period crap makes it INSANE here. I have a very stubborn streak in me that I'm still working with. learning that it's best to walk away, give it 24 hours and then say what you want was a process to say the least. I feel like I'm better at it then I was 5 years ago.

you can only keep your mouth shut for so long, sometimes.

I got into it today with our boss's admin. I feel terrible too but she just really frustrates me beyond anyone I've met.

NOTE: I tend to get frustrated by people who are a lot like me or people I feel complain a lot or don't work hard enough. (I have high expectations for everyone and should just keep it to myself.) it could be that we're competitive or just too simillar but it happens the most when I can really relate to someone. and usually girls, I've always been friends with more boys than girls. I'm learning that women need girlfriends in their lives - but that's a whole different post.

anyway, so I won't get into everything that happened because it's so stupid and we BOTH over reacted but I yelled at her for not doing something she should have and made a shitty assumption about how she'd react and I said it out loud to her face in the office. she then came to me and said how wrong I was and accused me of doing something that I didn't agree with and it was ridicoulous.

worst part-this poor girl has been asked to leave the company during the worst economic times in FOREVER. although I don't know all the circumstances on the reasons for the let go, it still sucks and she's stressed and I feel terrible and even more so because I could have just shut my fat mouth and let it go.

in my defense. I've butted heads with her for a long time. it has been this way since I started and I'm not sure why. we won't go into why either because I'm sure the conclusion would be that I'm insecure and just want to be accepted by this girl and haven't been because I'm too stubborn to let people in and give them trust, etc.

anyway, I don't feel like this entire thing was my fault and I didn't want it to be a big deal but it was. I'm not sure what to do about it either so I'm following what I should have earlier and taking 24 hours to relax and will ask her to talk tomorrow. because I don't want to leave this, or have her leave on such a sour note.

aagh. girls.

February 6, 2009

new apartment. new apartment. new apartment.

I love it. my new apartment is the greatest place for me right now. I'm extremely close to work, getting good rest at night, it's warm and safe and totally cute. pictures will be posted soon and a special thanks to mom and tcakes for whom I owe it all. so proud of us.

I'll have to die in the new apartment because moving was a real b-word. it was just two of us, 24 degrees freezing. by 2pm my arms literally stopped working. tcakes back was about to give out. next time I'm not putting all of my eggs in one basket and will ask plenty of people so I don't get let down again AND I will never move in the winter again, what a stupid thing to do. live and learn I guess.

t and I have some great events to look forward to though. we're going to meet his dad in Toledo tonight to see bye bye birdie, which I've never seen before. t was less than excited because it's a musical but I'm totally game. Mr. W is quite a dad and such a good man. mom always says to make sure you like their father - that's who they'll grow up to be. probably same for daughters and moms. :)

next Wednesday we're going to another Pistons game compliments of my friend Brian who now ski's on Wednesday nights and can't use those season tickets. I owe him a beer for sure.

February 27 is tcakes birthday celebration. his birthday is the first week of March so we'll celebrate a little early. even though I'm on a spending money lock down, I've come up with a couple of great things to do for him and luckily he's into a lot of things so it makes it easier for me.

then in March, back to the big apple with the W's. what a great family, I feel so grateful that I was asked again. that will have to be a post in itself.

then after that housewarming parties. it's a small place so I'll have to do a couple of people at a time. can't wait!